Its All About Me...

Just Another Day

2008-06-09T19:04:31Z

Seems to be essentially everyday. Sadie is going in to high school. There is a new possible move in our future that makes my future uncertain and trying to kick it a new job. Argh! I am having a emotional crisis that makes me feel as if I am just flapping around in outer space...open air.

Of course Joseph has to be the first person that comes to mind when I am flapping in the wind. There just aren't that many people out there that get me and/or make me totally utterly brain deadly comfortable.

Doing a lot of Tarot reading but can't read my own. Common problem but don't want to pay $100 for someone I don't know to read them...

Doldrums Doldrums Doldrums.

*Sigh*

Hmmmm

2006-09-04T04:57:34Z

So I am at home right now trying to get my Tarantulas to breed. My Brachypelma emilia. What a pain they are...have no interest in each other at all. Stinking spideys you can't even give them some liquid courage or anything.
Got my website 100% updated. Now just have to have my close close very good friend Kari proof it for me. I am sure thier are a load of typos. www.hokiepokiesburrow.com Yeah.

Hmmm I am kinda melancholy...what a strange little episode of my life I have stumbled upon...Ever had that feeling you are on a speeding train you can't stop? Just wait until June...and no...I won't tell why.

Yeah my friend is BACK

2006-09-04T04:44:25Z

Ok so I am so happy. I finally got to speak with Joe and it was like I never missed a beat, he sounds just the same. He has himself a hottie girl and I cannot wait to see him and catch up. Joe if you stumble upon this, I have missed you so much!!!

Ah life is good...

Wow

2006-03-28T22:08:00Z

I got a an email from my friend Lexxie, apparently thanks to my Aunt Cindee who was looking at my Uncles Journal that apparently knew I was on here. ODDDDD!!!!! Son of a Monkey's Uncle?

I wasn't aware so many people still love me and follow my life...Interesting. Most people that know me hate me.

Have You Ever???

2005-06-17T16:28:16Z

Wanted to scream? I am feeling lots and lots of frustration. I don't know what is wrong with me but 99.9% of the time I am feeling homocidal. I am tired of my work environment. Lately just feel lied to and jerked around. I haven't been able to get to Tae Kwon Do much and I haven't been able to dance in a long time. All work no play I guess. Good news is all of my tarantulas are doing very well. I think Mr. Bitey may shed pretty soon. That is a bonus! Will write more when I have my thoughts together on why I am such an uphappy human.

Two very simple words...

2004-02-19T19:20:31Z

Don't Care

Valentines Day

2004-02-16T23:17:03Z

So there was a lot of laying aorund on Valentines but there was also a lot of hobbling on crutches. We went to buy a tree. I read in redbook that a romantic thing is to buy a tree the first year of your marriage and then take a picture with it each year to see how its grown and all that. So we went in search of a tree since my husband actually remembered me making that comment! We bought a Jacaranda tree since we have a long standing joke about said tree between each other. It doesn't hurt that it blooms in my signature color.
My bestest friend in the world "The Bird" sent me a present. A candle and bath salts and jewelry. All of my favorite things. I tried to hold out but couldnt so Jeff had to carry it all in the bathroom so I could light my candle and take a long salty bath. She is always so thoughtful and knows me so well, thats why I love her. She also gets me...you know lots of people just don't get me. Example I was at the Dr. Office for my foot and was looking at a fish tank filled with tropical fish...over the rock comes a blue fish with yellow friends and I sat up and said with much gusto "Hey look theres Dory!!!" Of course this ellicited nasty looks from everyone around me but you know what....if The Bird was there she would have laughed. Another thing is I am growing an avocado tree from a seed and his name is Mr. Twiggy...everyone thinks its silly because i made him a name tag that sits in front of his pot...we when we moved I picked up Mr. Twiggy to take him to the new Apartment and The Bird pipes up and says "Hey don't forget his name tag he has to have it" See thats why we are perfect.... She Gets Me.
I need to start crocheting again, I had been so busy for so long. I still feel crazy busy. I will eventually get used to being wonder woman....thing is if I am really wonder woman I want the oufit...wasn't it totally kick ass?

Hello all my fellow "Walkers"

2004-02-11T20:54:25Z

So this is utter crap!!!! I hate this so much...what a lot of crap. God hates me. Lightning came down and struck my poor person. So after all the crutch activity yesterday I am now unreasonably sore in my shoulders, upper arms and chest. I better be like freaking She-Ra after this. I want to look like Arnold after this damn it!!! My foot still hurts, I was too tired to go to class to have Master Hwang massage it or anything. We went out to dinner last night and I thought I was about to see my maker becasue I was so tired. Drank a lot though...thought it might help..it didn't. Just made it so I couldn't sleep. ZAP lightining. Today I stubed my toe...ZAP lightning. I also dropped my darned frozen peas behind my desk and I had to attempt to get them...ZAP lightning. ARGH! At work everyone has to get me drinks...yeah hopping on crutches with coke..that would be funny when I opened it back at my desk...ZAP LIGHTNING.

Someone kill me....

I guess this too will end.

Hello Healthy People

2004-02-07T02:32:01Z

Must be nice to walk freely...damn it. Well I am starting to get excited about Valentines. Jeff always goes way overboard making me feel totally loved. Its so much fun! I love extravagance. My bestest friend got her Valentines present today and it totally made me happy that she was touched. I have a friend coming over to help me tomorrow in my weakened and pathetic condition. Oh how I love being helpless. Looks like The Bird will have to go shopping for my hubbys present now that I cant shop. OK I guess I shall go now...the girls are cooking us dinner which is nice. Talk with ya'all later with more quips of a cripple.

Isn't Life Great?

2004-02-06T17:20:38Z

OK so after Wed. class that I did not want to go to I am laying here in crutches wishing I would somehow be hit by a bus in my own home and put out of my misery. I apparently tore my ligaments severely and will most likely have to have surgery to fix it, will find out about that on Monday. In the meanwhile I am helpless and on crutches...here I am on my laptop...I am considering building a shrine for my laptop when I am healed...I can sort of work from my laptop but not really becasue its not real comfortable to sit here. I went to get pillows for my foot and it was an olympian event! Of course yesterday I had to see the humor in washing my hair in the sink and having my foot propped up on the stove so it would be elevated while I had my daughter stand watch to make sure I didnt start a burner. HA HA. There is humor to be found in this.
It will be a long time before I heal...a couple of months apparently. I spoke with my Master last night and he is going to help me with physical therapy once my cast is off and eventually I can get back to regular class. Here I was so close to testing for my belt! I think today I will have a pizza ordered and delivered to my couch...haha. See humor. I certainly dont need a hot pad...I have two cats that feel the need to lay on my cast all day. Too bad they can't figure out how to lay on my toes, my toes are turning into toecicles.
My daughter has been a dream...she has done everything for me, made me tea, brought me pillows, helped me up, helped me take baths and has cooked and cleaned with no complaint and she is 9. What a great wonderful kid. They don't get any better! I am going to try to do something very special for her. OK I am off to work again....

So Let's Git Down To Bizness

2004-02-04T23:54:23Z

I am so amazingly cranky today. I don't want to go to sparring at all. I was so cranky yesterday in class and I am so tired. Its damn near 4pm and I am drinking coffee. My office worker here that is so dumb...we will refer to her from here on out as the "Wonder Mutt" is totally screwing everything up again. Problem is I get the joy of trying to put together the pieces. Blah!!!!
On a good note....on a good note....hmmmmmm

On a good note.....

On a good note.....

Hey I know! On a god note tonight is fast food night. Sparring sucks so much that my hubby rewards me with fast food night! Yeah for MCDonalds...or pizza...or tacos...oh the possibilities. I got the coolest ever valentines present for The Bird....when will it ever be valentines...I wonder who will remember me on valentines? My Granny always does! I have to send a birthday card now to one of my employees. Her birthday is on Friday...hmmmm...I am trying to give my Hubby something everyday until valentines. I haven't started yet though...I think I iwll start on monday. A week of goodness...Perhaps we will start with a single red rose...I LOVE romance!

Same Ol

2004-02-04T20:55:34Z

SO I am getting very annoyed with work. I know I don't really HAVE to work anymore....I don't even pay rent but I also can ust sit all day and contribute nothing...that would be awful. I am planning on starting a home business but there is lots of legalities and paperwork and on and on to look into first...However back to work. Ugh so i have one team mate that is about as smart and sharp as a brick. I find it really difficult working with her day to day. I have another girl who is a direct ream member that is a bare minimum of 20 minutes late, typically around 30 minutes late every single day. She even changed her start time to 30 min later than normal and today showed up 30 minutes after her normal start time. UGH it makes me always wonder why in the hell I bother to show up on time or why I bother to try to do my job well when everyone aorund me doesn't seem to giving a flying F-ck. Growl hiss....My supervisor however that sits next ot me is excessivly cool so I guess that will somehow balance it out. I have to come in on Saturday...I will be sitting here bored for hours. I am feeling very bitch today I guess. Its been forever since I have seen my best friend so I need to rattle her out but she is busy this weekend and my hubby bubby is working all weekend. *Sigh* Guess I will do some more work on my inventory. I haven't danced in like 7 months at least. I am feeling the need to start dancing again. I guess I have just been too wrapped up in my Tae Kwon Do. That stuff is totaly difficult man! I don't know what I would do without that daily dose of humiliation!
Master Hwang sometimes gets a bit hard on us I must admit. I love being yelled at in the middle of class. Its sometimes embarrasing. Where is Joe and where is Lexxie? I miss both you guys about to death. Never seem to talk to Joe anymore, kinda sucks. Talked to him about 15 min days ago. Weeks ago. The hell. Lex if you are out there give me your address. I tried sending you an email and it came back, maybe i have the address wrong. Well I think I am about done whining today...No I am not! I just stood up and pulled the arch muscle in my foot...ARGH! This is a stressful day for me. Me and "The Bird" have a fun running joke...See my work is horrible everyday, we have an awful support team and a boss that yells at us several times a day and makes us screw up everything we are doing etc...so from Office Space he says he hates work and that everyday is the worst day of his life. I have decided I am the same...Everyday is certainly the worst day of my life.

Im Back!

2004-02-04T20:28:08Z

Well so much has happened since the last time I was skulking around me journal. I am no longer at St. John...what a wash that turned out to be. Endless story of crapish hell....it was practically a nightmare. That is a quip that my Best Friend will understand. I met my soul mate of a best friend at St. John. That was the good thing that happened there. I will refer to her as "The Bird" in all future transactions. I am totally married now to my Vet Surgeon husband and we wont have to leave California. We will even be buying a home that is such a relief. I have a new position in a Court reporting company that sometimes drives me mad! I started Tae Kwon Do with my daughter and am now a Purple belt..will be green by the end of this month...Tae Kwon Do/Hap Ki Do actually. Nothing else new I think but for all my friends out there that is the current run down. My next post will be my usual endless whining about all current events.

Work and stuff

2002-08-08T14:44:31Z

So I got a new job working with the director of design at St. John Knits a very very upscale womens clothing place. The building alone is awesome and the benefits..WOW! I can take college classes if I want and they have thier own college and all sorts of stuff. I am very very excited, its a very professional high profile position so it should be fun. I am kind of excited that at 26 I already made it into a good position in a large international company I can call home. It was nice to reach my goal this quickly, I have certainly kicked my ass to do it and raise a daughter at the same time. On the daughter thing...good news...My darling Fiance has decided she can start calling him Dad. She was excited to, everything is certainly falling into place...I am nervous and scared about the new job and also excited. I need a map to find my desk..what a walk! Lets see I start the 19th and my work asked me to stay on for 2 weeks. The President was not mad and has told me she would find me a job here or anywhere else if I need it..nice insurance. I got bird...Jeff got me birds...cute tweeting little things..they are finches...we have Bogie and DJ Finch. Fun fun..that is all for now...Kind of a wierd 2 weeks, I am part of the team yet I am not...hmmm. Odd feeling for sure!

Blech

2002-07-05T21:14:14Z

Life is hard, work is scary, I am worried about Jeff and his employer. I am worried about if we have to suddenly pick up and go out of state somewhere...oh well. His mom sent us a cute conga-rats on your engagement card...very sweet. Blech

Yeah

2002-07-01T21:21:20Z

OK So life is on muchmore of an even keel...yeah. I bought my dress with the help of my awesome maid of honor cindy. Can she be more helpful??? I doubt it. The dress is lovely..its a mermaid cut so it fits the form of my body and is heavily beaded, flares out at the knees...I love it!! I also got a $200 swavorski crystal tiara that is very pretty..that will be an hierloom for sadie. They are both hand made to order...fun fun. We are meeting with the lady that will marry us on the beach on the 10th. Very small affair...I am so excited...its 10 months away but I love him so much and he never gets tired of looking at invites or talking about it and has been helping me too..he is perfect. It will truley be a small, sweet, comfy affair designed by us two. We are also writing our vows and including sadie in the cermony..he will put a little ring on her...adorable!!! I am so tired from all the excitement of the past few weeks. Once the place gets settled on the 10th I wont have to think about weddings until November..thats a needed break. I have to go grocery shopping today =0( HATE IT. Hate anything that makes me part with my money. I am such a penny pinching dweeb. Oh well life happens right? Lexxie write me a letter...send me an email to my bellydancestar, give me your address.....something!

Whew

2002-06-10T18:38:03Z

What a week, my great grandma died at 90 last week. Her funeral is on the 21st. Bummer it made me cry a lot. Good news is I have a full dance class on saturday and will probably see Joe this weekend. This pleases me as I miss him a lot. My best maid and I are going to try on my dress on saturday. I am dying to try it on. I will also try to find one for sadie. She will be standing next to me I think...details, details. I ordered a wedding planner for outdoor weddings. Jeff is trying to get me to go on a honeymoon somewhere that requires flying. Icky Icky! I don't want to fly. He will have to completely knock my behind out. Other than that cannot think of any new news....new news...sounds silly. I need new shoes, thats news.

Yeah

2002-06-07T17:06:59Z

The good news is Jeff and I set a date...the lucky day is Sept. 1st. 2003. So a year and a couple months, just right for planning. We spent forever in the ring store yesterday, he is soooo funny. I am so happy!

Too Much Time

2002-06-02T23:23:37Z

I suppose to much time has gone by since I wrote this. Jeff asked me to marry him however has not told anyone so its not official yet. I am excited somewhat anyhow. I will be fantastically excited when he tells someone. At work the girls said its not offical unless you do. Do these idiot rules really apply or is just about the two of us and how we feel. The real world tome seems like a odd and bizarre place sometimes when you get listening to everyone elses fears and concepts. What does a person do tell them to stick it or let them stick it to you silently? Eh....I think I need another cosmoplitan and some more time for serious contemplation.

Oh My God

2002-02-12T23:41:09Z

I am feeling the tension of 1000 stretched rubber bands. Kill me now! Good god what an insane day at work. New receptionists make me cranky. I suppose I should go easy on them as I watch my money and deals fly through the door along with my frustrated clients/candidates. I suppose I shouldnt mind...but I do!!!! Life with Jeff is still utter bliss so there is nothing new about that. Still haven't cooked dinner for Shamus. Still haven't seen Joe. I did talk to Lexxie and that was refreshing as I have missed her. She promised to write me. I miss getting letters from her all the time. Uused to give me a much needed smile. I really need to sleep. I am very very tired. *Snore* I want to go home and curl up with my child and my kitty and a cup of hot tea, read a book and slip off to sleep to be woken up by my honey bunches. Well I have been eating right AND working out like crazy. I hour of kick boxing, 30 min of strength training AND an hour of Yoga a day and its not showing at all. I have kept it up for 3 weeks and not a damn flipping change at all. It makes me sad. I wanted ever so badly to be pretty when I get this dance for Jeff together for Valentines. However I have not been able to really work on it. Blech. Blah. Tsk. Growl. Narf. Zot. Doh.

Joe, Shamus, Jeff

2002-02-06T21:58:39Z

Joe - Miss him
Shamus - Gotta love him
Jeff - love him love him love him
All my best friends that are local. I haven't talked to Joe as much since he is a model now he doesn't love me anymore. HAHAHA. Shamus has been a bit busy but I talk to him ever morning thank god for him. He has turned into a crutch...well not the best word but he really puts things into perspective and is always completely honest with me. Joe well Joe is busy sometimes but he is great for relationship advice, ego boost and lazing about with. I like to listen to enya and lay around with him. Jeff, well I plan to marry Jeff. I haven't seen much of him and he is ultra super sonic stressed. Poor boy. I am giving him endless Valentines. I always leave him all sorts of fun stuff. I have spent all my time coming up with ideas to romance him further. Gotta think of more ways to show him I love him, I would hate to think that even for a second he might have a doubt that he is my utter soul mate. His parents are in town...on one hand im happy, on the other it seems bad timing since I am dying for quiet time and to talk to him and he is stressed, though I am sure they will fix him in all the places I couldn't. I guess I wish he would share with me more instead of shutting me out and not leaning on me. Oh well its okies. I love him to bits...we will figure it out. My turtle is sooo cute. Thats all I have to say about that. Work is really really stressing me out today.

growl

2002-01-30T17:22:40Z

blah, ick, ugh, blech...yucky...ick

Hmmmm

2002-01-24T20:21:21Z

OK I have finally gotten over feeling sad and sorry for myself. Thats a relief. It was possibly a PMS thing. My PMSing consists of being massively insecure and constantly crying etc. So I am going to get my hair done. I am picturing myself engaged to Jeff on a nearly daily basis. We talked about getting married so it seems like such a logical step. I love these long engagements. The whole part about growing into each other...living with being "His". You know engaged for like a yearish or so ish. I dont knowish. Blahish. I am tired as tired could possibly be. Why is that? I have not been sleeping at night. Like this morning I woke up 10 minutes to 4 and couldnt go back to sleep simply because I was so wound up thinking about the Ambassador meeting at the Irvine Chamber. I might go with Shamus to breakfast. I love him, he is such a perfect perfect friend. Supportive and sweet. I don't know what I would EVER do without seeing him every morning. Well weekends are hard but we are going to start doing breakfast...him and his boy. What else? I made friends with a girl here named Kristi. I was already friends with Melanie but..Kristi and I got to talking about Jeff and what not and I told her I love him but being alone sometimes..ya know. This is true...I read Mel and Kristi's tarot and we all had fun. I also have Sangeeta here...love that girl. I could only wish that someday I can be the nice person she is....HAHA, that is way to much to wish. My friend dhruv too. Poor guy usually gets the brunt of me whining including me whining to death at the party hehehe. I am going out on Saturday to get more business suits/shoes etc. I need to be pretty again. OHHH they are playing our song...desperate for changing, starving for truth, closer to where I started, Im chasing after you...im falling even more in love with you... I remember dancing at the christmas party to this....oh yeah and I remember....Jeff singing this song to me on the beach...NICE. He needs to sing to me more yes? I miss my turtle. I can't wait until we move in together and I can see my beautiful bumble everyday. I feel like a weekend parent! Hmph! Oh course I love my box turtles but ya know....ok off lunch now. I may have to go to some silly legal training, my boss made the decision that I am to start with Legal. Hmmmm. Ok then. Ambassador at the Irvince Chamber, Legal, Admin, Marketing, Recruiting. Where do I find the time for my dancing?

Joy

2002-01-22T19:09:32Z

Well I got a message that he has gone fishing and just put my head down on my desk and started crying. So the president of the company..Jen asked what was wrong. I told her I didn't know what was going on at work, if im doing good or not, even though everything is moving. Told her I am stressed about Saide, and I miss Jeff so much im likely to ruin the fucking relationship...she let me cry, said im doing great and it must be hard to miss him so much. I am not sure if I feel better or worse. Just kind of empty. I wish my heart would just right itself and I could stop feeling any amount of sadness or pain and just be happy. I am happier with Jeff than I have ever been, I know he loves me...its just so god damned hard to be apart from him all the time. I have never felt secure with me and I always feel like we might drift apart etc..I hate being alone. Blah. I have so many exciting things to tell him about work but they seem old and not exciting anymore by the time I can tell him...or else I am cranky...growl. I HATE MYSELF ...this is the main problem I think. My mind is running circles around myself and perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself but I don't think so. I am feeling sorry that maybe I don't give enough, maybe I don't have the chance...maybe I am just stupid. Argh. I wish I had more self esteem..I wish I felt I had something to offer him to make me worth his while. Blah all these wishes eh?

Sigh

2002-01-22T15:56:00Z

Well I have been feeling depressingly alone for a long time now. I don't know whats wrong with me but I seem to spend all my time crying. I never get to spend time with Jeff. Of course I count my blessings that he is around everynight however I am usually already asleep. We don't get weekends....we get a couple hours when I have off, raised to a few hours if I stay up late. I HATE it....HATE it...with a passion. This idiot schedule was supposed to last for a short time but its been October, November, December, most of January...with no end in sight. I don't blame Jeff...its just that its finally severly wearing on me. Here I was alone Saturday night and I was ok, then by 9:15 getting sad...by 9:30 fighting crying...by 9:45 crying and feeling totally lonely again. It ends up ruining my moods when he is around. At this point he said he was going fishing today and I was utterly devastated. Since I have been lonely and crying all week/weekend. I tried so hard to not show being upset..or to be selfish. I don't know why I guess just the build up effect but I am big time lonely for him. Oh well...who cares I suppose. I am heading into my emotional detachment stage...I hit the I hurt I hurt stage then I just start to detach myself to keep fom hurting so bad....Blah. I wish I could stop feeling this way and just simply not care but its impossible. Perhaps I just a crazy basket case eh? I don't know.

Its All About Me...

Just Another Day

Hmmmm

Yeah my friend is BACK

Wow

Have You Ever???

Two very simple words...

Valentines Day

Hello all my fellow "Walkers"

Hello Healthy People

Isn't Life Great?

So Let's Git Down To Bizness

Same Ol

Im Back!

Work and stuff

Blech

Yeah

*Whew*

Yeah

Too Much Time

Oh My God

Joe, Shamus, Jeff

growl

Hmmmm

Joy

*Sigh*

Whew

Sigh